Dear Santa

Just in case one of your creepy little midgets hasn’t already told you, I’m sick of getting socks and trashcans for Christmas. This year I want cool stuff or else next year I’m sicking the dogs on you when you stop at my house.

The following is my Christmas Wishlist:

1. Hand carved crystal goat figurines made in Zimbabwe (at least 4)

2. A commemorative Elvis butter knife (the whole silverware set would be nice)

3. One of your creepy midgets (don’t really care which one, just not the little gay one that wants to be a dentist)

4. Jessica Alba (just make it happen, Fatman)

5. KISS (minus the weird tongue-guy)

6. Whoopee cushions. Lots of whoopee cushions

7. Any additional cool stuff you may have sitting around your little sweatshop…

This list may be modified some between now and Christmas Eve, so check back sometime.

And just in case you think about skipping my house, or shorting me on my presents, consider this: Breaking and Entering is a serious crime. With several million documented cases against you, I don’t think there’s a jury on this planet that would let you off, and I’m mad enough to pursue it NOW, much less after you screw me over again. I’ve already talked to my lawyer.

Love,
Billy

P.S.
I’m leaving you some carrots and celery this year. They’ll be right beside the instructions for how to use the BowFlex. Feel free to try it out.

I found this on a forum I was visiting and stole it and then cleaned up the language a bit and added the Santa Wave.

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